You may have been taught that it is conceited or selfish to recognize the good qualities that you have. But a person who depends on external sources to give them a sense of worth will bounce up and down depending on what is happening around them. We want more stability than that.
This article gives 3 strategies to build self-confidence into your personality. I elaborate on these ideas in my video podcast called “Building Self-Confidence” and in the chapter from my book, “Anxiety, Depression & Helplessness: Keys to Break Free.” These 3 basic strategies are:
- Change your focus and self-talk,
- Use a journal to improve your coping skills, and
- Build positive supports.
Change Your Focus and Self-Talk
Anything you would not say to a child or friend you should not say to yourself. It may seem weird at first to challenge your thinking, but over time those new thought patterns will become more automatic.
Over time, you will start to catch yourself when you start down the old train track of the negative thoughts. As we have discussed throughout my media, you can gently shift from the negative track over to the new positive attitude. You can also think of this as the gentle way that a potter forms and reforms the clay on a wheel. It takes new shape over time.
You might be familiar with a similar technique of using affirmations. You can develop a personalized list to directly address your negative internal dialogue. You can write your own positive affirmations or you can use Google to search for affirmations. There are many types of affirmations online.
You might also consider using visual reminders of your value, worth, and belonging. Photos can serve as a reminder if those photos produce positive feelings. Awards, trophies, gifts, certificates of merit, or mementoes are also tangible reminders of our value and worth.
There was a time in my life where I was struggling with feeling isolated. During that time, I attended a costume party and won a ribbon for having the most creative outfit. I used that ribbon as a reminder of my new connections and the fun evening I had at that party.
Another helpful strategy is to write down ten of your strengths. You can use a journal to start writing down positive self-talk, positive memories, and your positive qualities.
Use a Journal to Build Your Coping Skills
You don’t have to journal every day to build your coping skills. Even 10-15 minutes a few times per week can make a difference. As you journal your stresses and negative thoughts, you can begin to gently shift them to the positive inner dialogue or affirmations (explained in the previous section). Watch out for that black-and-white thinking that creates unnecessary guilt and stress.
A journal can be useful to you when focused properly. It can:
· Help you identify and process feelings that are troubling you.
· Help you recognize repetitive, negative self-talk. (We all have it!)
· Help you identify issues that may be fueling or even triggering problematic symptoms and behaviors.
Journal entries don’t have to be lengthy. It is more important that they be focused and specific rather than lengthy. It is often useful to address each day’s:
· Frustration or disappointment with specific individuals.
· Obstacles encountered in tasks and situations.
· Feelings within or about yourself that day.
Remember, this is not a summary of what you did, but a reflection on what went on inside of you for that day. This will help you learn to tune into the daily issues and then the repetitive themes that are important in your unique reactions to life events.
When you have identified the negative thoughts and then countered them with your positive coaching statements, you may want to focus on gratitude or your goals for that day. You want to process the negative emotion and then shift onto the positive. I have lots of media that goes into more detail of how to do that.
Build Your Supports
It’s important to have a variety of positive supports in our lives. This is essential for our physical health as well as for our emotional health.
Although we want to learn to be in charge of our own self-confidence, having healthy connections is critical to a maintain a positive frame of mind. These supports are especially important if you are in a negative environment at work or in your home.
How do you build healthy supports? People find connection through clubs, volunteer organizations, hobbies, support groups, the YMCA, 12 Step groups, sports, and churches. You may need to try out a few different avenues before you find where you fit best.
Set a goal to try one new group in the next week. If you like that group, then keep going! If that isn’t the right fit, try a different group the next week. Your local newspaper or library may also list events and community groups where you can build some new connections.
Self-confidence can be built by taking simple steps forward. When we change the amount of time we give to negative people, interrupt harsh inner dialogue, and use positive coaching statements we can boost our comfort in relationships. We are then able to find our network of supports to keep that positive momentum going in our lives. If you are a person of faith, you can also cultivate your connection to the Lord to deepen your sense of value and worth.
Resources:
Video: How to Build Self-Confidence
Video: How to Use a Journal for Personal Growth
On Amazon: Anxiety, Depression & Helplessness: Keys to Break Free
